About Whoremom

I have not written anything new in almost two years. Nothing meaningful anyway. I once tried to write my experiences as a victim of domestic violence but it became too painful to put into words. My husband trafficked me into sex work after losing his job, and later kidnapped my children when I began to talk to him and others about a divorce.

You would think that state agencies would help me to recover from an abusive husband that fancied himself a pimp, and had more than a dozen documented cases of domestic violence reported. I thought they would help me recover my children but in reality the opposite happened and my children have not lived with me in three very long painful years.

Apparently the State of Florida thinks whores are far more dangerous than wife beaters. Or maybe they reduced the charges in their minds to “whore beater” in my husbands case.  He never admitted to being my pimp, and I never admitted to being a whore. I lied and used the “time and companionship is not illegal to sell” defense claiming I was doing nothing wrong so that they would give me back my children. They agreed eventually, and dropped the prostitution allegations, but they never returned my children because they knew I was a whore.

I should have just told the truth but whores are acutely in fear of the police, and I did not trust these cops, and agents of the government. I wish that I would have had a female advocate to help me understand what was happening. Offer some assistance. I was very lost at that point.

I feel stronger now, and I feel like I am ready to share my experiences, and hopefully help others in my position. God knows I needed help, and noone was there. No state agencies, no advocate, no liason. Nothing.

I am working to change that.   I would like to see a female advocate respond to all domestic violence calls, as well as prostitution arrests. I am working hard to form an initiative to make that happen. I am sharing my own story to educate, and articulate the balance of my position on Sex Work.

I fight for rights of sex workers, but that does not mean that I think that sex work should be the goal of aspiring young women. However, as a nation we need to recognize that now more than ever there is a lack of opportunity for some women in America that makes Sex Work quite appealing.  I stand to support those women that voluntarily enter sex work on their own terms.

I do not see how looking at prostitution as something criminal is productive for anyone involved.   Prostitution is a victimless crime. Crimes that victimize prostitutes  such as rape and abuse as well as crimes that victimize women and children such as human trafficking are both separate issues.  We cannot conflate those issues with consensual adult prostitution.

When we criminalize prostitutes we are criminalizing not only the stereotypical “scourge on society” streetwalkers which do not go away with criminalization anyway, but we also criminalize harmless, innocent women that are working hard to be independent productive members of their families as well as society.

The stress that a prostitute endures is unimaginable.  You would be surprised that my main fear was not of murder, rape, or being trafficked, it was of the police. Stings. Arrest. Humiliation. Rape by police, or what I call “Sting Rape” which is having sex with a prostitute, then arresting her and stealing her money. Not only the money you paid her, but any money she has, even the money that came yesterday in a birthday card from grandma.  Confiscated. Leaving her penniless and unable to afford a bond, defense counsel.

I have been the target of many investigations myself both on a state and Federal level, and have documentation to prove it. It is unreal. For what?  Having sex?   The funny thing is, I gave that up over a year ago, and now work as a sex educator, writer, and activist.

I personally did not particularly enjoy being a whore, though sometimes it is quite enjoyable and adventurous. It was however something that I could earn a reasonable amount of money doing,  without being away from my children too long and without having some employer frown on my education,  background check, and lack of experience having been a stay at home mom for twelve years.  The way I look at it everybody has to work for a living. Sometimes you like it, sometimes you hate it, but you always need it. It is work. A necessary evil. I can think of hundreds of more dangerous and demeaning jobs than this.  Just watch Mike Rowe’s Dirty Jobs and see how they breed horses. Yet even touching a human penis with your hands to cause it to ejaculate is a crime.

My children will go to college, and I will encourage them to be successful in life. I did not have the same opportunity. I was abandoned at fifteen, and fell into prostitution as a homeless teen on the beach of Fort Lauderdale Florida.  Later, I would find myself arrested. A pimp named Charles came to my rescue, I could pay him back. I was shocked at his kindness. He hired a lawyer and everything. At eighteen, I was amazed he would do this for me. I did not know the term “debt bonded” at the time or “human trafficking” but that is what happened. I became debt bonded and lived in horrible conditions being forced to see clients and give him all but twenty dollars of the proceeds. The twenty I was allowed to keep.

I laugh in my mind now when I think back to those days when I would see four clients in one night, but think to myself I had alot of money when 720 went into my pimps hand. Eighty bucks didn’t do much, but it bought food.  Charles paid my rent just to further confuse me as to my repayment. I was enslaved in this way for about a year before seeking work outside of his knowledge. He found out and abandoned me.   It was frightening, but I became independent. First working for an agency, then finally independently.

At nineteen I gave up being a whore and married.  I thought that I would never be in that life again. I suffered abuse year after year knowing that I should stay with him because he is a good provider. He didn’t abuse the kids, only me. So I stayed. When he lost his job in 07 he could not find another job.  After two months he cried and asked me if I thought I could put ads in again. I knew what that meant. By the next day I had an ad up on the internet in the Erotic Services section of Craigslist.  I would have never imagined life turning out this way.

This time was different though. The internet had changed the business, as well as provided new opportunities for me to write, and develop websites and podcasts.  I did not just stop and get comfortable as a whore, I didn’t care for it but I was immersed in it. I began to notice a niche in my clientele that really were looking for something other than sex, and I began to teach tantra. I became a Sex Worker Advocate, and Activist.

Six months after my abusive husband began trafficking me on the internet I began to resent him, and thought that if I had to be a hooker, there was no reason to put up with his abuse anymore. I could afford the child care and rent on my own and began to work toward becoming independent from him, and furthering my non prostitution related ideas for websites. I began to study web development and created an adult network online though it has yet to show any profit.

I began to tell friends that I planned a divorce, and began disobeying him. This caused him to increase his aggression and got him arrested twice for domestic violence. That is how CPS or Child Protective Services became involved. They came to investigate the first time, and found the children were unharmed, and asked what I planned to do about my marriage. I told them at that time that I was planning to divorce. Instead however, I allowed him to return to the home, and when I did he got himself arrested a second time.

His father refused to bond him out on the second charge so my husband/pimp told him the only reason that it happened again was because he found information on my computer that I was a prostitute. My husbands father then agreed to bond him out under the condition that he take my children, put them alone on an airplane to North Carolina to an Uncle they had never met. He himself was ordered by his father to move to the other side of the state and not tell me.

I called my parents to pick up the kids. They were there for the weekend when Jon was arrested. My step mother told me that my kids had been taken in the middle of the night in a taxi cab by Jon, and they had no idea where they were.

I had a court provide an order of protection granting me custody, but I could not find my husband to have him sign it so it was not valid. I reported it to Police who initially were going to arrest him for parental abduction, but they changed their tune when they heard the prostitution allegations. Even though my husband had been arrested for domestic violence charges including false imprisonment, Aggravated domestic battery with a weapon and other serious charges,  Prostitution was apparently far worse. The Police began actively working against me, and within ten days as I got to North Carolina to retrieve my children in person, delay tactics were used to buy time, and my children were ordered dependents of the state.

During the process, Child Protective Services considered me the hostile parent, as he stated that he only beat me because he found out that I was a whore.   I plead not guilty to their charges for six months. My husband began his case plan with them right away. I was finally told after six months that I was running out of time waiting for a trial and that if my husband finished his caseplan before I went to trial that he would be given custody of the children and I may never get them back.

They agreed to remove the allegations of prostitution from the documents, and I agreed to jump through their hoops. I moved twice to be closer to the children during their incarceration at their Uncles house. I was used as a cash cow. Paying unreceipted cash to have the Uncle make the children available for me to visit.

My husband eventually finished his case plan, and was granted custody of the children. At this time he and I were civil toward each other, and he agreed he did not want to keep the children from me. When his new girlfriend moved in, I was all but removed from their lives.  They added to the court order that I would continue my case plan but I had nothing but doors slammed in my face.

I have fought for custody of my children for three years and I have finally gotten a lawyer who has filed a divorce, and we are going to court soon is all I know.

This site is dedicated specifically to sharing my experiences with an abusive husband/pimp, Child Protective Services, and The Great State of Florida.

7 Responses to About Whoremom

  1. Thanks so much for writing your story. I really appreciate everything you have gone through as I’ve seen this happen before. Please do contact me.

    • whoremom says:

      I am eager to work together for Sex Worker Parents to be fairly represented by counsel in custody hearings. It is so difficult for most of us to afford the legal fees, it becomes more about who can afford the cost of litigation than who is a more suitable parent.

  2. sexhysteria says:

    I certainly sympathize with sex workers, who may be great parents. But I’m concerned about the temptation to blame all your problems on being a sex worker, when the true story might be much more complex.

    I think you could get more sympathy if you avoid the “innocent victim” song, and instead tell both sides of the story. Was your ex-husband more neglectful than the average father? Was there anything that you did to provoke the domestic violence, and is there any impartial evidence that the violence was real?

    In divorce and custody battles the truth is hardly ever told by only one party. Try giving your ex a voice, and if everything you say is true his words will make your own case stronger.

    • whoremom says:

      Thank you for the advice on garnering more sympathy, but sympathy is not the goal here.

      I have no information on a single custody case involving a sex worker, or prostitute that sided with the sex working parent.

      I do however have specific case information on a non-sex worker parent that shared marijuana with their children, and the court did not remove the children from their care.

      It is similar to age discrimination. An employer is not going to tell you he is not hiring you because you are old, he is going to point to some legal reason that he denied your employment.

      The film will allow the time and depth required to present all of the facts, and the documentation to prove it, including 12 police reports, 2 stays at a domestic violence shelter with my children, and over 500 texts, emails, and reports that support my position.

      Your question regarding what I did to instigate the violence is another version of the thought that a rape victim “asked for it” with her style of dress.

      As a long time recipient of physical, emotional, and economic abuse I can tell you that I spent my life feeling like it was my fault. Trying to do whatever I could to please him, so that he would be happy and not hurt me. I blame myself constantly that I was a burden to him because I stayed at home and didn’t work, and caused him to be so stressed that he became violent. I blamed myself for everything, until I was out and away from the situation.

      It was a process of therapy with a DV counselor that helped me to understand why I am startled so easily, and why I always defended my husband and accepted blame for the abuse. This is documented in one of the Police reports where the officer writes that I was more concerned for my children than my own safety. He reported that I begged him not to arrest my husband because he was starting a new job that day. I told the officer that he was ruining my family trying to save my husband.

      Even after his second arrest for charges including false imprisonment, aggravated battery with a weapon and more I refused to press charges. I did not cooperate with their investigation against him as I did not want my children to suffer the loss of their father to a jail cell.

      I began to learn about the effects of abuse, and identified with the characterizations of a battered woman. I did not realize it when I was living through it, but it wasn’t my fault.

      I appreciate your thought to try to give my ex a voice, if you were someone close to the situation this would make you chuckle, because there is no talking to my ex. He is a brick wall of abuse to this day, even sending nasty texts to family friends contacting him about the kids.

      I publicly invite him to respond, and will approve any comments that he would like to make.

      • whoremom says:

        Update- Invitation has been extended for my ex and his girlfriend to a radio interview/debate Monday afternoon. They have not replied, outside of the whorephobic slurs posted to twitter, and private messages.

  3. You are a brave,brave woman. Do NOT lose the faith, Karma has a way of working itself back into every life on the planet ! You can bet you are not alone in this nightmare. I applaud you for your candidness, strength,and your unwavering love and support of your children. At some point in their lives they will understand what you have done for them. Good luck in everything you do !

    ~~ Much Love ~~

    • whoremom says:

      Thank you, I truly believe in Karma. This case makes me feel like a tortoise. I did not have an attorney to represent me at trial, and that has a lot to do with the outcome.

      Virtually everything that I tried to say, or introduce was not allowed. Police reports, Witness statements. The way that I would ask a question even would make it disallowed.

      What happened to the idea that the Founding Fathers had that our justice system would be constructed so that even a layman could navigate it without counsel?
      Yet today, without counsel you are sure to lose.

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